From the books ...
Alcoholics Anonymous (Big Book) and
Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions (12 & 12)
FAMILY occurs
127 times
(
Definition from Merriam-Webster Online)
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1.
... family.
12&12 p.84,
Step Nine
But even in these
cases, we may
need to use a
little more
discretion than we did with the
family.
2.
... family.
12&12 p.170,
Tradition Eight
3.
... family.
12&12 p.177,
Tradition Ten
4.
... family.
BB p.35,
More About Alcoholism
This
man has a
charming wife and
family.
5.
... family.
BB p.79,
Into Action
We
thought he ought to be
willing to do that if
necessary, but if he were in
jail he could
provide nothing for either
family.
6.
... family.
BB p.91,
Working With Others
When
possible,
avoid meeting a
man through his
family.
7.
... family.
BB p.91,
Working With Others
He will
feel he can
deal with
you without being
nagged by his
family.
8.
... family.
BB p.97,
Working With Others
It is not
good for him, and it sometimes
creates serious complications in a
family.
9.
... family.
BB p.97,
Working With Others
Though an
alcoholic does not
respond, there is no
reason
why you should
neglect his
family.
10.
... family?
BB p.128,
The Family Afterward
If he
means to
right his
past wrongs, why all this
concern for
everyone in
the
world but his
family?
11.
... family.
BB p.161,
A Vision For You
He and his
wife would
leave
elated by the
thought of
what they could now do for some
stricken acquaintance and his
family.
12.
... family also.
BB p.90,
Working With Others
This
advice is
given for
his
family also.
13.
... family (and
everyone else) for our troubles.
12&12 p.84,
Step Nine
This will be a very
different occasion, and in
sharp contrast with those
hangover mornings when we
alternated between
reviling ourselves and
blaming the
family (and
everyone else) for our
troubles.
14.
... family and
frankly analyze the past as ...
BB p.83,
Into Action
We ought to
sit down with the
family and
frankly analyze the
past as we now see
it, being very
careful not to
criticize them.
15.
... family and
frequently it is almost the ...
BB p.124,
The Family Afterward
The
alcoholic's
past thus
becomes the
principal
asset of the
family and
frequently it is almost the only one!
16.
... family and
friends.
12&12 p.43,
Step Four
Going to the
extreme, he
can
become a
miser, or even
a
recluse who
denies
himself both
family and
friends.
17.
... family, and
friends will need to cross-examine ...
12&12 p.52,
Step Four
But all
alcoholics who have
drunk themselves out of
jobs,
family, and
friends will
need to
cross-
examine themselves
ruthlessly to
determine how their
own personality defects
have thus
demolished their
security.
18.
... family, and
has thoroughly explained to them ...
BB p.98,
Working With Others
When your
prospect has made such
reparation as he can to his
family, and has
thoroughly explained to them the new
principles by which he is
living, he should
proceed to
put those
principles into
action at
home.
19.
... family and
himself, and then pulls the ...
BB p.21,
There Is A Solution
He uses his
gifts to
build
up a
bright outlook for
his
family and himself, and then
pulls the
structure down on
his
head by a
senseless
series of
sprees.
20.
... family and
home?
12&12 p.86,
Step Nine
Are we
going to be so
rigidly righteous about
making amends that we
don't
care what
happens to
the
family and
home?
21.
... family and
neglect the others.
12&12 p.81,
Step Eight
Suppose we
lavish attention upon one
member
of the
family and
neglect
the others.
22.
... family and
position, to say nothing of ...
BB p.36,
More About Alcoholism
Here was the
threat of
commitment, the
loss of
family and
position, to
say
nothing of that
intense mental and
physical suffering which
drinking always
caused
him.
23.
... family and
readily admit the damage we ...
12&12 p.84,
Step Nine
After
coming from our
first
meeting, or perhaps after we have
finished reading the book
"
Alcoholics Anonymous," we usually
want
to
sit down with some
member
of the
family and
readily
admit the
damage we have
done by our
drinking.
24.
... family and
separated him from them?
12&12 p.39,
Step Three
And how shall he ever
straighten out that
awful jam that
cost him the
affection of
his
family and
separated
him from them?
25.
... family and
take away his means of ...
BB p.80,
Into Action
If he
opened that
old affair, he was
afraid it
would
destroy the
reputation of his
partner,
disgrace his
family and take away his
means of
livelihood.
26.
... family, and
that he is not trying ...
BB p.96,
Working With Others
Be
certain he will be
welcomed by your
family, and
that he is not
trying to
impose upon you for
money,
connections, or
shelter.
27.
... family and
the men who would die ...
BB p.154,
A Vision For You
But what about his
responsibilities --
his
family and the
men who
would
die because they would not
know how to get well,
ah -- yes,
those other
alcoholics?
28.
... family are
mistaken, though each side may ...
BB p.126,
The Family Afterward
Both
father and the
family
are
mistaken, though each
side may have some
justification.
29.
... family as
he should, he may retreat ...
BB p.129,
The Family Afterward
Instead of
treating the
family as he should, he may
retreat further into
himself and
feel he has
spiritual justification for so doing.
30.
... family, asking
each morning in meditation that ...
BB p.83,
Into Action
31.
... family's attitude
towards himself or herself.
BB p.122,
The Family Afterward
The
alcoholic, his
wife,
his
children, his "in-
laws", each one is
likely to
have
fixed ideas about the
family's
attitude towards himself or herself.
32.
... family back.
BB p.99,
Working With Others
Let no
alcoholic say he cannot
recover unless he has his
family back.
33.
... family be
at fault in many respects, ...
BB p.98,
Working With Others
Though his
family be at
fault
in many
respects, he should not be
concerned about that.
34.
... family begins
to see his shortcomings and ...
BB p.127,
The Family Afterward
As each
member of a
resentful family begins to see his
shortcomings and
admits
them to the others, he
lays a
basis for
helpful discussion.
35.
... family, but
we cannot disclose anything to ...
BB p.74,
Into Action
It may be one of our
own family, but we cannot
disclose
anything to our
wives or our
parents which will
hurt them
and make them
unhappy.
36.
... family by
foolishly admitting his plight to ...
BB p.155,
A Vision For You
Why, he
argued, should he
lose the
remainder of his
business, only to bring still more
suffering to his
family by
foolishly admitting
his
plight to people from whom he made his
livelihood?
37.
... family came
back too soon.
BB p.100,
Working With Others
We have seen others
slip when the
family came back too soon.
38.
... family can
be a bright spot in ...
BB p.132,
The Family Afterward
He and his
family can be a
bright spot in such
congregations.
39.
... family condemn
and criticize.
BB p.129,
The Family Afterward
The
opposite may
happen
should the
family condemn
and
criticize.
40.
Family confidence
in dad is rising high.
BB p.123,
The Family Afterward
41.
... family cooperates,
dad will soon see that ...
BB p.129,
The Family Afterward
If the
family cooperates,
dad will soon
see that he is
suffering from a
distortion of
values.
42.
... family demands
that the others concede to ...
BB p.122,
The Family Afterward
We find the more one
member of the
family demands that the others
concede to him, the more
resentful they
become.
43.
... family differences,
explaining the disinherited son to ...
BB p.161,
A Vision For You
44.
... family dissensions
are very dangerous, especially to ...
BB p.117,
To Wives
45.
... family does
not fully agree with dad's ...
BB p.129,
The Family Afterward
Though the
family does not
fully agree with
dad's
spiritual activities, they should let him have his
head.
46.
... family, either
by a rule of iron ...
12&12 p.81,
Step Eight
What
happens when we
try to
dominate the
whole family, either by a
rule of
iron or by a
constant outpouring of
minute directions for just how their
lives should be
lived from
hour to
hour?
47.
... family embittered
and depressed him.
BB p.56,
We Agnostics
48.
... family expresses
a desire to live upon ...
BB p.83,
Into Action
Unless one's
family expresses a
desire to
live upon
spiritual principles we
think we
ought not to
urge them.
49.
... family financially
insecure.
12&12 p.51,
Step Four
But the
alcoholic housewife can also make the
family financially insecure.
50.
... family find
God in a hurry, or ...
BB p.128,
The Family Afterward
He may
demand that the
family find
God in a
hurry, or
exhibit amazing indifference
to them and say he is above
worldly considerations.
51.
... family for
whom he had a deep ...
BB p.35,
More About Alcoholism
Moreover, he would
lose his
family for whom he had a
deep affection.
52.
... family, friends,
and society at large that ...
12&12 p.53,
Step Four
But it is from our
twisted relations with
family,
friends, and
society at
large that many of us have
suffered the most.
53.
... family, friends,
business, or community we attract ...
12&12 p.124,
Step Twelve
54.
... family, friends,
doctors, and clergymen got no ...
12&12 p.63,
Step Six
55.
... family goes
on a spiritual basis or ...
BB p.135,
The Family Afterward
Whether the
family goes on a
spiritual basis or not,
the
alcoholic member
has to if he would
recover.
56.
... family group
and will, if you wish, ...
BB p.573(575),
Appendix VI, How to Get in Touch With A.A.
This
headquarters will
give the
location of the
nearest family group and will, if you
wish,
correspond with you about your
special problems.
57.
... Family Groups.
12&12 p.118,
Step Twelve (Note)
(*) In
adapted form, the
Steps are also used by
Al-
Anon/Alateen Family Groups.
58.
... Family Groups
by writing to its World ...
BB p.121,
To Wives (Note)
59.
... Family Groups,
composed largely of the wives, ...
BB p.573(575),
Appendix VI, How to Get in Touch With A.A.
60.
... Family Groups,
Inc., 1600 Corporate Landing Parkway, ...
BB p.573(575),
Appendix VI, How to Get in Touch With A.A.
61.
... Family Groups
was formed about thirteen years ...
BB p.121,
To Wives (Note)
62.
... family had
been reunited; he extolled the ...
12&12 p.143,
Tradition Three
He
paid a
fine tribute to the
Fellowship; he told how his
family had been
reunited; he
extolled the
virtue of
honesty; he
recalled the
joys of
Twelfth Step work; and then he
lowered the
boom.
63.
... family has
no religious connections, they may ...
BB p.131,
The Family Afterward
Though the
family has no
religious connections, they may
wish
to make
contact with or take
membership in a
religious body.
64.
... family has
spiritual convictions or not, they ...
BB p.130,
The Family Afterward
One more
suggestion: Whether the
family has
spiritual convictions or not, they may do well to
examine the
principles
by which the
alcoholic member is
trying to
live.
65.
... family how
that was accomplished.
BB p.100,
Working With Others
If you have been
successful in
solving your
own domestic problems, tell
the
newcomer's
family how
that was
accomplished.
66.
... family hysterically
plead with him to do ...
BB p.90,
Working With Others
Neither should the
family hysterically plead with
him to do anything, nor should they tell him much about you.
67.
... family, in
the light of their own ...
BB p.103,
Working With Others
We
feel that each
family, in
the
light of their
own circumstances, ought to
decide for themselves.
68.
... family into
a spiritual way of living, ...
BB p.159,
A Vision For You
They
experienced a few
distressing failures,
but in those
cases they made an
effort to bring the
man's
family into a
spiritual way of
living, thus
relieving
much
worry and
suffering.
69.
... family is
going to play an effective ...
BB p.131,
The Family Afterward
At the very
beginning, the
couple ought to
frankly face the
fact that each will have
to
yield here and there if the
family is
going to
play an
effective part in the new
life.
70.
... family is
mystified.
BB p.126,
The Family Afterward
71.
... family is
reunited, alcohol is no longer ...
BB p.119,
To Wives
After all, your
family is
reunited,
alcohol is no
longer a
problem and you and
your
husband are
working
together toward an
undreamed-of
future.
72.
... family is
sure to be great.
BB p.99,
Working With Others
If
persisted in for a few
months, the
effect on a
man's
family is
sure to be
great.
73.
... family is,
to some extent, ill."
BB p.122,
The Family Afterward
The
entire family is, to
some
extent,
ill."
74.
... family, it
is well to let him ...
BB p.129,
The Family Afterward
Even if he
displays a
certain amount of
neglect and
irresponsibility towards the
family, it is well
to let him go as far as he
likes in
helping other
alcoholics.
75.
... family, leave
them out of the first ...
BB p.91,
Working With Others
Though you have
talked with the
family,
leave them out of the
first discussion.
76.
... family life.
12&12 p.44,
Step Four
These people often
throw to the
winds every
chance for
legitimate security and
a
happy family life.
77.
... family life?
12&12 p.120,
Step Twelve
And what can be said of many
A.A. members who, for a
variety
of
reasons, cannot have a
family life?
78.
... family life
brought about by years of ...
12&12 p.117,
Step Twelve
To a
surprising extent,
A.A. has
offset the
damage to
family life brought about by
years of
alcoholism.
79.
... family life
rather than give?
BB p.122,
The Family Afterward
Is he not
unconsciously trying to see what he can take from the
family life rather than
give?
80.
... family lives
that we bring to our ...
12&12 p.112,
Step Twelve
Can we bring the same
spirit of
love and
tolerance into our
sometimes
deranged family
lives that we bring to our
A.A.
group?
81.
... family lives
we happen to be miserly, ...
12&12 p.81,
Step Eight
82.
... family may
be possessed by the idea ...
BB p.123,
The Family Afterward
The
family may be
possessed by the
idea that
future happiness can be
based only upon
forgetfulness of the
past.
83.
... family may
be unhappy.
BB p.123,
The Family Afterward
Today's
life is
measured against that of other
years and, when it
falls short, the
family may be
unhappy.
84.
... family may
feel they hold a mortgage ...
BB p.131,
The Family Afterward
The
family may
feel they
hold a
mortgage on
dad, so
big that no
equity should be
left for
outsiders.
85.
... family may
look at their strange new ...
BB p.128,
The Family Afterward
As soon as his
sobriety begins to be
taken as a
matter of
course, the
family may
look at their
strange new
dad with
apprehension, then with
irritation.
86.
... family may
object to this, but unless ...
BB p.90,
Working With Others
The
family may
object to
this, but
unless he is in a
dangerous physical condition, it is
better to
risk it.
87.
... family may
react unfavorably.
BB p.128,
The Family Afterward
When
father takes this
tack, the
family may
react unfavorably.
88.
... family may
see their own defects and ...
BB p.99,
Working With Others
Little by
little the
family may see their
own defects and
admit them.
89.
... family men
and women.
12&12 p.120,
Step Twelve
90.
... family must
decide these things.
BB p.90,
Working With Others
The
family must decide these things.
91.
... family must
realize that dad, though marvelously ...
BB p.127,
The Family Afterward
92.
... family needs
your help.
BB p.90,
Working With Others
Don't
deal with him when he is very
drunk,
unless he is
ugly and the
family needs your
help.
93.
... family obligations
may not be so perfect ...
BB p.129,
The Family Afterward
He will
perceive that his
spiritual growth is
lopsided, that for an
average man like himself, a
spiritual life which does
not
include his
family obligations may not be so
perfect after all.
94.
... family of
an alcoholic longs for the ...
BB p.123,
The Family Afterward
The
family of an
alcoholic longs for the
return of
happiness and
security.
95.
... family or
a friend ask him if ...
BB p.90,
Working With Others
Then let his
family or a
friend ask him if he
wants to
quit for
good and if he would go to any
extreme to do so.
96.
... family or
creditors of money they should ...
BB p.96,
Working With Others
But you should not
deprive your
family or
creditors of
money they should have.
97.
... family persists
in criticism, this fallacy may ...
BB p.129,
The Family Afterward
If the
family persists in
criticism, this
fallacy may take a still
greater hold on
father.
98.
... family play
together or separately, as much ...
BB p.133,
The Family Afterward
So let each
family play together or
separately,
as much as their
circumstances warrant.
99.
... family present
the book.
BB p.113,
To Wives
In some
cases it may be
better to let someone
outside the
family present the book.
100.
... family problems
will arise.
BB p.126,
The Family Afterward
In either
case certain
family problems will
arise.
101.
... family properly?
12&12 p.51,
Step Four
102.
... family satisfactions
-- all these have to be ...
12&12 p.114,
Step Twelve
103.
... family should
be offered your way of ...
BB p.97,
Working With Others
The
family should be
offered your way of
life.
104.
... family should
meet upon the common ground ...
BB p.122,
The Family Afterward
All
members of the
family
should
meet upon the
common
ground of
tolerance,
understanding and
love.
105.
... family should
not try to tell your ...
BB p.91,
Working With Others
Usually the
family should not
try to tell your
story.
106.
... family should
watch such matters carefully, for ...
BB p.125,
The Family Afterward
107.
... family show
to his liking?
BB p.122,
The Family Afterward
Is not each
trying to
arrange the
family show to his
liking?
108.
... family talks
will be constructive if they ...
BB p.127,
The Family Afterward
109.
... family that
he has been a very ...
BB p.100,
Working With Others
But
urge upon a
man's
family that he has been a very
sick
person and should be
treated accordingly.
110.
... family, these
vagaries of dad's spiritual infancy ...
BB p.129,
The Family Afterward
111.
... family, to
be a friend among friends, ...
12&12 p.53,
Step Four
We have not once
sought to be one in a
family, to be a
friend among
friends, to be a
worker
among
workers, to be a
useful member of
society.
112.
... family to
know immediately what he was ...
12&12 p.185,
Tradition Twelve
As a
rule, the
average newcomer wanted his
family to
know immediately what he was
trying to do.
113.
... family trousers.
BB p.131,
The Family Afterward
Thus
mother, through no
fault of her
own,
became accustomed to
wearing the
family trousers.
114.
... family was
re-assembled, and he began to ...
BB p.35,
More About Alcoholism
His
family was
re-
assembled, and he
began to
work as a
salesman for the
business he had
lost
through
drinking.
115.
... family watches
for these tendencies in each ...
BB p.131,
The Family Afterward
This
means trouble,
unless the
family watches for these
tendencies in each other and
comes to a
friendly agreement about them.
116.
... family, went
to bed.
12&12 p.144,
Tradition Three
About
two weeks later,
Ed stole by
night into an
A.A. member's
house and,
unknown to the
family, went to
bed.
117.
... family which
has been relieved owes something ...
BB p.124,
The Family Afterward
We
think each
family which
has been
relieved owes
something to those who have not, and when the
occasion requires, each
member of it should be only too
willing to bring
former mistakes, no
matter how
grievous, out of their
hiding places.
118.
... family will
admire him for what he ...
BB p.123,
The Family Afterward
But the
wise family will
admire him for what he is
trying to be, rather than for what he is
trying to get.
119.
... family will
appreciate that dad's current behavior ...
BB p.129,
The Family Afterward
If the
family will
appreciate that
dad's
current behavior is but a
phase of his
development, all will be well.
120.
... family will
be affected also, pleasantly at ...
BB p.126,
The Family Afterward
The
family will be
affected also,
pleasantly at
first, as
they
feel their
money troubles are about to be
solved, then not so
pleasantly as they find themselves
neglected.
121.
... family will
be plagued by spectres from ...
BB p.123,
The Family Afterward
Now and then the
family will be
plagued by
spectres from
the
past, for the
drinking
career of almost every
alcoholic has been
marked
by
escapades,
funny,
humiliating,
shameful
or
tragic.
122.
... family will
find life more bearable.
BB p.97,
Working With Others
And even though he
continues to
drink, the
family will find
life more
bearable.
123.
... family will
meet; suppose we suggest how ...
BB p.123,
The Family Afterward
Suppose we tell you some of the
obstacles a
family will
meet;
suppose we
suggest how they may be
avoided -- even
converted
to
good use for others.
124.
... family will
perhaps want to go along.
BB p.99,
Working With Others
After they have seen
tangible results, the
family will
perhaps
want to go along.
125.
... family will
recover.
BB p.97,
Working With Others
Should they
accept and
practice spiritual principles, there is a much
better chance that the
head of the
family will
recover.
126.
... family would
like him to be.
BB p.126,
The Family Afterward
If not
irritable, he may
seem dull and
boring, not
gay and
affectionate as the
family would like him to be.
127.
... family, you
should take care not to ...
BB p.100,
Working With Others
When
working with a
man and
his
family, you should take
care not to
participate in
their
quarrels.
Passages from the Big Book Alcoholics Anonymous
and the Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions
are reprinted with permission of A.A. World Services, Inc.
The A.A. Preamble, copyright ©
The A.A. Grapevine, Inc., is reprinted with permission.
Permission to reprint does not in any way imply affiliation with or
endorsement by either Alcoholics Anonymous or The A.A. Grapevine, Inc.
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