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From the books  ...  Alcoholics Anonymous (Big Book) and Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions (12 & 12)


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1.
... husband.   12&12 p.86, Step Nine
We cannot, for example, unload a detailed account of extramarital adventuring upon the shoulders of our unsuspecting wife or husband.


2.
... husband.   BB p.81, Into Action   Go to page 81 in the Big Book
It is as good for the wife as for the husband.


3.
... husband.   BB p.108, To Wives   Go to page 108 in the Big Book
These are some of the questions which race through the mind of every woman who has an alcoholic husband.


4.
... husband.   BB p.111, To Wives   Go to page 111 in the Big Book
Do not set your heart on reforming your husband.


5.
... husband.   BB p.115, To Wives   Go to page 115 in the Big Book
But you must be on guard not to embarrass or harm your husband.


6.
... husband.   BB p.117, To Wives   Go to page 117 in the Big Book
These family dissensions are very dangerous, especially to your husband.


7.
... husband.   BB p.119, To Wives   Go to page 119 in the Big Book
Therefore, you probably need fresh interests and a great cause to live for as much as your husband.


8.
... husband.   BB p.104, To Wives (Note)   Go to page 104 in the Big Book
(*) Written in 1939, when there were few women in A.A., this chapter assumes that the alcoholic in the home is likely to be the husband.


9.
... husband already.   BB p.158, A Vision For You   Go to page 158 in the Big Book
His wife came, scarcely daring to be hopeful, though she thought she saw something different about her husband already.


10.
... husband are working together toward an undreamed-of ...   BB p.119, To Wives   Go to page 119 in the Big Book
After all, your family is reunited, alcohol is no longer a problem and you and your husband are working together toward an undreamed-of future.


11.
... husband as the radically changed attitude toward ...   BB p.117, To Wives   Go to page 117 in the Big Book
We urge you to try our program, for nothing will be so helpful to your husband as the radically changed attitude toward him which God will show you how to have.


12.
... husband at length, you can quietly let ...   BB p.115, To Wives   Go to page 115 in the Big Book
While you need not discuss your husband at length, you can quietly let your friends know the nature of his illness.

13.
... husband becomes a sick and irresponsible child ...   12&12 p.118, Step Twelve
As matters get worse, the husband becomes a sick and irresponsible child who needs to be looked after and extricated from endless scrapes and impasses.


14.
... husband becomes unbearable and you have to ...   BB p.111, To Wives   Go to page 111 in the Big Book
Even though your husband becomes unbearable and you have to leave him temporarily, you should, if you can, go without rancor.


15.
... husband begins to feel lonely, sorry for ...   BB p.81, Into Action   Go to page 81 in the Big Book
The husband begins to feel lonely, sorry for himself.


16.
... husband can get right down to fundamentals.   BB p.120, To Wives   Go to page 120 in the Big Book
Then you and your husband can get right down to fundamentals.


17.
... husband's chance of recovery.   BB p.120, To Wives   Go to page 120 in the Big Book
The slightest sign of fear or intolerance may lessen your husband's chance of recovery.


18.
... husband's company insurance was still in force.   BB p.137, To Employers   Go to page 137 in the Big Book
She wanted to know if her husband's company insurance was still in force.


19.
... husband continues to drink.   BB p.111, To Wives   Go to page 111 in the Big Book
It is possible to have a full and useful life, though your husband continues to drink.


20.
... husband's drinking is not going to spoil ...   BB p.111, To Wives   Go to page 111 in the Big Book
Be determined that your husband's drinking is not going to spoil your relations with your children or your friends.


21.
... husband's employer and his friends that he ...   BB p.115, To Wives   Go to page 115 in the Big Book
Frequently, you have felt obliged to tell your husband's employer and his friends that he was sick, when as a matter of fact he was tight.


22.
... husband explain.   BB p.115, To Wives   Go to page 115 in the Big Book
Whenever possible, let your husband explain.


23.
... husband find a solution for the pressing ...   BB p.117, To Wives   Go to page 117 in the Big Book
If you and your husband find a solution for the pressing problem of drink you are, of course, going to be very happy.


24.
... husband fits the description of number two.   BB p.112, To Wives   Go to page 112 in the Big Book
Suppose, however, that your husband fits the description of number two.


25.
... husband for drinking; he's my friend; she's ...   BB p.65, How It Works   Go to page 65 in the Big Book
Mrs. Jones -- she's a nut, she snubbed me; she committed her husband for drinking; he's my friend; she's a gossip -- personal relationship; self esteem (fear).


26.
... husband has been living in that strange ...   BB p.108, To Wives   Go to page 108 in the Big Book
Perhaps your husband has been living in that strange world of alcoholism where everything is distorted and exaggerated.


27.
... husband has gone much further than husband ...   BB p.109, To Wives   Go to page 109 in the Big Book
Three: This husband has gone much further than husband number two.


28.
... husband have been living too much alone, ...   BB p.119, To Wives   Go to page 119 in the Big Book
It is probably true that you and your husband have been living too much alone, for drinking many times isolates the wife of an alcoholic.


29.
... husband he wants to stop drinking forever.   BB p.116, To Wives   Go to page 116 in the Big Book
It may convince your husband he wants to stop drinking forever.


30.
... husband if you possibly can.   BB p.117, To Wives   Go to page 117 in the Big Book
Go along with your husband if you possibly can.


31.
... husband's interest, it may be best to ...   BB p.112, To Wives   Go to page 112 in the Big Book
If this kind of approach does not catch your husband's interest, it may be best to drop the subject, but after a friendly talk your husband will usually revive the topic himself.

32.
... husband into debt by irresponsibility, waste, and ...   12&12 p.51, Step Four
She can juggle charge accounts, manipulate the food budget, spend her afternoons gambling, and run her husband into debt by irresponsibility, waste, and extravagance.


33.
... husband is a drinker, you probably worry ...   BB p.114, To Wives   Go to page 114 in the Big Book
If your husband is a drinker, you probably worry over what other people are thinking and you hate to meet your friends.


34.
... husband is bad, you become a trembling ...   BB p.115, To Wives   Go to page 115 in the Big Book
When your husband is bad, you become a trembling recluse, wishing the telephone had never been invented.


35.
... husband is otherwise a normal individual, your ...   BB p.113, To Wives   Go to page 113 in the Big Book
If your husband is otherwise a normal individual, your chances are good at this stage.


36.
... husband is showing lack of control, for ...   BB p.109, To Wives   Go to page 109 in the Big Book
Two: Your husband is showing lack of control, for he is unable to stay on the water wagon even when he wants to.


37.
... husband is trying to live on a ...   BB p.118, To Wives   Go to page 118 in the Big Book
If your husband is trying to live on a spiritual basis, he will also be doing everything in his power to avoid disagreement or contention.

38.
... husband joins A.A., the wife may become ...   12&12 p.118, Step Twelve
After the husband joins A.A., the wife may become discontented, even highly resentful that Alcoholics Anonymous has done the very thing that all her years of devotion had failed to do.


39.
... husband knows he owes you more than ...   BB p.118, To Wives   Go to page 118 in the Big Book
Your husband knows he owes you more than sobriety.


40.
... husband's liquor problem or He has not.   BB p.120, To Wives   Go to page 120 in the Big Book
God has either removed your husband's liquor problem or He has not.


41.
... husband may be only a heavy drinker.   BB p.108, To Wives   Go to page 108 in the Big Book
One: Your husband may be only a heavy drinker.


42.
... husband may be willing to talk to ...   BB p.112, To Wives   Go to page 112 in the Big Book
Your husband may be willing to talk to one of them.

43.
... husband may become so wrapped up in ...   12&12 p.118, Step Twelve
Her husband may become so wrapped up in A.A. and his new friends that he is inconsiderately away from home more than when he drank.


44.
... husband may come to appreciate your reasonableness ...   BB p.111, To Wives   Go to page 111 in the Big Book
Your husband may come to appreciate your reasonableness and patience.


45.
... husband may stop or moderate.   BB p.112, To Wives   Go to page 112 in the Big Book
If you act upon these principles, your husband may stop or moderate.


46.
... husband no matter what he says or ...   BB p.108, To Wives   Go to page 108 in the Big Book
Try not to condemn your alcoholic husband no matter what he says or does.


47.
... husband number one.   BB p.110, To Wives   Go to page 110 in the Big Book
Let's now go back to husband number one.


48.
... husband number one should be practiced.   BB p.112, To Wives   Go to page 112 in the Big Book
The same principles which apply to husband number one should be practiced.


49.
... husband number two.   BB p.109, To Wives   Go to page 109 in the Big Book
Three: This husband has gone much further than husband number two.


50.
... husband of whom you completely despair.   BB p.110, To Wives   Go to page 110 in the Big Book
Four: You may have a husband of whom you completely despair.


51.
... husband, ought to think of what you ...   BB p.120, To Wives   Go to page 120 in the Big Book
You, as well as your husband, ought to think of what you can put into life instead of how much you can take out.


52.
... husband's parents for desertion.   BB p.106, To Wives   Go to page 106 in the Big Book
Then we were severely criticized by our husband's parents for desertion.


53.
... husband read this book.   BB p.114, To Wives   Go to page 114 in the Big Book
In any event, try to have your husband read this book.


54.
... husband to distant places on the theory ...   BB p.101, Working With Others   Go to page 101 in the Big Book
Ask any woman who has sent her husband to distant places on the theory he would escape the alcohol problem.


55.
... husband were a weak character.   BB p.115, To Wives   Go to page 115 in the Big Book
You will no longer be self-conscious or feel that you must apologize as though your husband were a weak character.


56.
... husband whenever there is an honest difference ...   BB p.117, To Wives   Go to page 117 in the Big Book
We do not mean that you have to agree with your husband whenever there is an honest difference of opinion.


57.
... husband who is at large, but who ...   BB p.114, To Wives   Go to page 114 in the Big Book
Perhaps you have a husband who is at large, but who should be committed.


58.
... husband who is recovering.   BB p.122, The Family Afterward   Go to page 122 in the Big Book
Our women folk have suggested certain attitudes a wife may take with the husband who is recovering.


59.
... husband will be put to the test.   BB p.117, To Wives   Go to page 117 in the Big Book
The faith and sincerity of both you and your husband will be put to the test.


60.
... husband will be the first to say ...   BB p.118, To Wives   Go to page 118 in the Big Book
Your husband will be the first to say it was your devotion and care which brought him to the point where he could have a spiritual experience.


61.
... husband will find that you can dispose ...   BB p.118, To Wives   Go to page 118 in the Big Book
You and your husband will find that you can dispose of serious problems easier than you can the trivial ones.


62.
... husband will lose his position; you are ...   BB p.116, To Wives   Go to page 116 in the Big Book
You may be afraid your husband will lose his position; you are thinking of the disgrace and hard times which will befall you and the children.


63.
... husband will make a fair start on ...   BB p.120, To Wives   Go to page 120 in the Big Book
Perhaps your husband will make a fair start on the new basis, but just as things are going beautifully he dismays you by coming home drunk.


64.
... husband will see at once that he ...   BB p.120, To Wives   Go to page 120 in the Big Book
Your husband will see at once that he must redouble his spiritual activities if he expects to survive.


65.
... husband will sometimes be unreasonable and you ...   BB p.117, To Wives   Go to page 117 in the Big Book
Your husband will sometimes be unreasonable and you will want to criticize.


66.
... husband will usually revive the topic himself.   BB p.112, To Wives   Go to page 112 in the Big Book
If this kind of approach does not catch your husband's interest, it may be best to drop the subject, but after a friendly talk your husband will usually revive the topic himself.


67.
... husband, you may be in luck.   BB p.113, To Wives   Go to page 113 in the Big Book
If you have a number three husband, you may be in luck.


Passages from the Big Book Alcoholics Anonymous and the Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions are reprinted with permission of A.A. World Services, Inc.  The A.A. Preamble, copyright © The A.A. Grapevine, Inc., is reprinted with permission.  Permission to reprint does not in any way imply affiliation with or endorsement by either Alcoholics Anonymous or The A.A. Grapevine, Inc.

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