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From the books ... Alcoholics Anonymous (Big Book) and Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions (12 & 12)
Click the page number or the book cover icon
to view that page in the literature.1.
As part of his rehabilitation he commenced to present his conceptions to other alcoholics, impressing
upon them that they must do likewise with still others.
2.
3.
4.
Most of us sense that real tolerance of other people's shortcomings and
viewpoints and a respect for their opinions
are attitudes which make us
more useful to others.
5.
9. Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do
so would injure them or others.
6.
7.
8.
9.
10.
But we must be careful not to
drift into worry, remorse or morbid reflection, for that would diminish our usefulness
to others.
11.
12.
Suppose we tell you some of
the obstacles a family will meet; suppose we suggest how they
may be avoided -- even converted to good use for others.
13.
Cling to the thought that,
in God's hands, the dark past is the greatest possession you
have -- the key to life and happiness for others.
14.
15.
16.
See to it that your relationship with Him is right, and great events will come to pass for you and countless others.
17.
The Episcopal magazine,
The Living Church, observes editorially:
"The basis of the technique of Alcoholics
Anonymous is the truly Christian principle that
a man cannot help himself except by helping others.
18.
19.
20.
Step Nine -- "Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do
so would injure them or others."
21.
22.
With the publication of the book "Alcoholics Anonymous" in 1939, the pioneering period ended and a prodigious chain reaction set in as the recovered alcoholics carried their
message to still others.
23.
We used our education to blow ourselves up into prideful balloons, though we were careful to hide this from others.
24.
We had to see that when we harbored grudges and planned revenge for such defeats, we were really beating ourselves with the club of anger we had intended to use on others.
25.
Moreover, it is usually a
fact that our behavior when
drinking has aggravated the defects of
others.
26.
27.
28.
Whenever our pencil falters, we can fortify and
cheer ourselves by remembering what A.A. experience in this Step has
meant to others.
29.
"Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do
so would injure them or others."
30.
While we may be quite willing to reveal the very worst, we must be sure to remember that we cannot buy our
own peace of mind at the expense of others.
31.
32.
33.
34.
35.
36.
Our very lives, as ex-problem drinkers, depend upon our constant thought of others and how we may
help meet their needs.
37.
Each needed to consider the others, and in abiding faith they knew they must find their real strength.
38.
39.
40.
Though he could not accept
all the tenets of the Oxford
Groups, he was convinced
of the need for moral inventory, confession of
personality defects,
restitution to those harmed, helpfulness to
others, and the necessity
of belief in and dependence upon God.
41.
The Seventh Step is where we
make the change in our attitude which permits us,
with humility as our guide,
to move out from ourselves toward others and toward God.
42.
We now clearly see that we have been making unreasonable demands upon ourselves, upon others, and upon God.
43.
But we saw that it really worked in others, and we had come to believe in the hopelessness and futility of life as we had been
living it.
44.
You should be described to him as one of a fellowship who, as part of their own recovery, try to help others and who will be glad to talk to him if he cares to see you.
45.
46.
Having opened our channel
as best we can, we try to ask for those right things of which we and
others are in the greatest
need.
47.
But for every man who drinks others are involved -- the wife who trembles in fear of the next debauch; the mother and father who see their son wasting away.
48.
49.
50.
51.
52.
It is A.A.'s experience that
particularly in these cases we ought to pray that God's will, whatever it is, be done for others as well as for ourselves.
53.
If we have obtained permission, have consulted with others, asked God to help and the drastic step is indicated we must not shrink.
54.
For the readiness to take
the full consequences of
our past acts, and to take responsibility for
the well-being of others at the same time, is the very spirit of Step Nine.
55.
56.
57.
Some of us won't believe in God, others can't, and still others who do believe that God exists have no faith whatever He will perform this miracle.
58.
There would be real danger
should we commence to call
some groups "wet," others "dry," still others "Republican" or "Communist," and yet others "Catholic" or "Protestant."
59.
(*) The fellowship of Al-Anon Family Groups was formed about thirteen years after this chapter was written. Though it is entirely separate from Alcoholics Anonymous, it
uses the general principles of the A.A. program as a guide for husbands, wives, relatives, friends and
others close to alcoholics. The foregoing pages (though addressed only to wives) indicate the problems such people may face. Alateen, for teen-aged children of alcoholics, is a part of Al-Anon.
60.
We find the more one member of the family demands that the others concede to him, the more resentful they become.
61.
62.
There would be real danger
should we commence to call
some groups "wet," others "dry," still others "Republican" or "Communist," and yet others "Catholic" or "Protestant."
63.
Even greater furors were provoked when A.A. members began to run rest homes and farms for alcoholics, when
some hired out to corporations as personnel men in charge of the alcoholic problem in industry, when
some became nurses on alcoholic wards, when others entered the field of alcohol education.
64.
65.
66.
67.
A man may criticize or laugh at himself and it will affect others favorably, but criticism or ridicule coming from another often produces the contrary effect.
68.
Others fell apart because of sheer self-righteousness while trying to enforce upon the rest of mankind some millennium of
their own specification.
69.
But those of us who have tried
to shoulder the entire burden and trouble of others find we are soon overcome by them.
70.
Or anger and hurt pride might be the smoke screen under which we were hiding some of our defects while we blamed others for them.
71.
Arrangements were also
made with the chief psychiatrist of a large public hospital to select still others from the stream of misery which flows through that institution.
72.
73.
The question which might naturally come into your mind would be: "what did the man do
or say that was different
from what others had done or said?"
74.
75.
In many instances we shall find that though the harm done others has not been great, the emotional harm we have done ourselves has.
76.
All these, and many others, have
one symptom in common: they cannot start drinking without developing the phenomenon of craving.
77.
For if an alcoholic failed to perfect and enlarge his spiritual life through work and self-sacrifice for others, he could
not survive the certain trials and low spots ahead.
78.
79.
As each member of a resentful family begins to see his shortcomings and admits
them to the others, he lays a basis for helpful discussion.
80.
81.
82.
There will be other cases where action ought to be deferred, and still others in which by the very nature of the situation we shall never be able to make direct personal contact at all.
83.
84.
85.
86.
The ability of each A.A. to identify himself with and bring recovery to the newcomer is
a gift from God... passing on this gift to others is our one aim.
87.
While the purpose of making restitution to
others is paramount, it is
equally necessary that
we extricate from an examination of our personal relations every bit of information about ourselves and our fundamental difficulties that we can.
88.
Readiness to take consequences of our past
and to take responsibility for well-being of others is spirit of Step Nine.
89.
90.
91.
92.
This is our gift from God, and its bestowal upon others like us is the one aim that today animates A.A.'s all around the globe.
93.
While the comment or advice of others may be by no means infallible, it is likely to
be far more specific than any direct guidance we may receive while we are still so inexperienced in
establishing contact
with a Power greater than ourselves.
94.
95.
96.
There will be those to whom we
can make only partial restitution, lest complete disclosures do
them or others more harm than good.
97.
98.
Often it was while working on this Step with our sponsors or spiritual advisers that we first felt truly able to forgive others, no matter how deeply we felt they had wronged us.
99.
If we lie or cheat, we deprive others not only of their
worldly goods, but of their
emotional security and
peace of mind.
100.
101.
These were the new attitudes
that finally brought many of us an inner strength and peace that could
not be deeply shaken by the
shortcomings of others
or by any calamity not of our
own making.
102.
Either we were shy, and dared not draw near others, or we were apt to be noisy good fellows craving attention and companionship, but never
getting it -- at least to
our way of thinking.
103.
Perhaps we shall need to share with this person facts about ourselves which no others ought to know.
104.
105.
There would be real danger
should we commence to call
some groups "wet," others "dry," still others "Republican" or "Communist," and yet others "Catholic" or "Protestant."
106.
Unreasonable fear that
our instincts will not be
satisfied drives us to covet the possessions of
others, to lust for sex and power, to become angry when our instinctive demands are
threatened, to be envious when the ambitions
of others seem to be realized while ours are not.
107.
Just as firmly bound by obligation are the
members of Alcoholics
Anonymous, who have demonstrated that they can help problem drinkers as others seldom can.
108.
When others showed us that "God-sufficiency" worked with them, we began to feel like those who had insisted the Wrights would never fly.
109.
110.
Your job now is to be at the place where you may be of maximum helpfulness to
others, so never hesitate to go anywhere if you can be helpful.
111.
When we saw others solve their problems by a simple reliance upon the Spirit of the Universe, we had to stop doubting the power of God.
112.
Some would start at the top and
come through to the bottom, becoming club members; others started in the club, pitched a binge, were hospitalized,
then graduated to education on the third floor.
113.
They are restless, irritable and discontented, unless they
can again experience the
sense of ease and comfort which comes at once by taking a few drinks -- drinks which they see others taking with impunity.
114.
... others; that
it reach all important decisions ...
BB
Appendix VII, Twelve Concepts (Short Form), p.575
XII. The Conference shall observe the spirit of A.A. tradition, taking care that it never becomes the seat of perilous wealth or power; that sufficient operating funds and reserve be its prudent financial principle; that it place none of its members in a position of unqualified authority
over others; that it reach all important decisions by discussion,
vote, and, whenever possible, by substantial
unanimity; that its actions never be personally punitive nor an incitement to public controversy; that
it never perform acts of government, and that,
like the Society it serves, it will always remain democratic in thought and
action.
115.
Such a roster of harms done others -- the kind that make daily living with us as practicing alcoholics
difficult and often unbearable -- could be extended almost indefinitely.
116.
Being wrecked in the same vessel, being restored and united under one God, with hearts and minds attuned to the welfare of
others, the things which matter so much to some people no longer signify much to them.
117.
To others, the word "God" brought up a particular idea of Him with which someone
had tried to impress them during childhood.
118.
If we have swept the searchlight of Step Four back and forth over our careers, and it has revealed
in stark relief those experiences we'd rather not remember, if we
have come to know how wrong thinking and action have hurt us and others, then the need to quit living by ourselves with those tormenting ghosts of yesterday gets more urgent than ever.
119.
When a few men in this city have found themselves, and have discovered the joy of helping others to face life again, there will be no stopping until everyone in that town has had his opportunity
to recover -- if he can and will.
120.
In the chapter "Working
With Others" you gathered an
idea of how we approach and
aid others to health.
121.
Provided they were willing -- and many were -- why shouldn't their membership
be publicized, thereby
encouraging others to join us?
122.
Unreasonable fear that
our instincts will not be
satisfied drives us to covet the possessions of
others, to lust for sex and power, to become angry when our instinctive demands are
threatened, to be envious when the ambitions
of others seem to be realized while ours are not.
123.
When we habitually try to
manipulate others to our
own willful desires, they revolt, and resist us heavily.
124.
A.A. Preamble -- Alcoholics Anonymous is
a fellowship of people
who share their experience, strength and
hope with each other that they may solve their
common problem and help others to recover from alcoholism.
125.
Therefore, we are not to be the hasty and foolish martyr who would needlessly
sacrifice others to save himself from the alcoholic pit.
126.
Or, the person concerned
not being present, we thought we were helping others to understand him, when
in actuality our true motive was to feel superior by pulling him down.
127.
To watch people recover, to see them help others, to watch loneliness vanish, to see a fellowship grow up about you, to have a host of friends -- this is an experience you must not miss.
128.
129.
Self-righteousness, the
very thing that we had contemptuously condemned in others, was our
own besetting evil.
130.
131.
132.
Having carefully surveyed this whole area of human relations, and having decided exactly what personality traits in us
injured and disturbed
others, we can now commence to ransack memory for the people to whom
we have given offense.
133.
But also like others, we often discover a greater challenge in the lesser and
more continuous problems of life.
134.
135.
So, you see, there were three alcoholics in that town, who
now felt they had to give to others what they had found, or be sunk.
136.
And we cling with a passionate persistence
to others which are just as disturbing to our equilibrium, because we
still enjoy them too much.
137.
Pride lures us into making demands upon ourselves or upon others which cannot be met without perverting or misusing
our God-given instincts.
138.
Another reason for the wide acceptance of A.A. was the ministration of
friends -- friends in medicine, religion, and the
press, together with innumerable others who became our able and persistent advocates.
139.
Some of us won't believe in God, others can't, and still others who do believe that God exists have no faith whatever He will perform this miracle.
140.
Though the earning power of most A.A.'s is relatively high, we have some
members who never seem to get on their feet moneywise, and still others who encounter heavy financial reverses.
141.
He also wanted to tell others who had tried to help him -- his doctor, his minister, and close friends.
142.
He often says that if he had continued to work on them, he
might have deprived many
others, who have since recovered, of their chance.
143.
When, with God's help, we calmly accepted our lot, then we found we could live at peace with ourselves and show others who still suffered the same fears that they could get over them, too.
144.
Showing others who suffer how we were given help is the very thing which makes life seem so worth while to us now.
145.
146.
147.
Or, if my disturbance was seemingly caused by the behavior of others, why do I lack the ability to accept conditions I cannot change?
148.
149.
150.
Some people are unable to stay sober at all; others will relapse periodically until they really clean house.
151.
152.
... others with
similar problems ... In this atmosphere ...
BB
Appendix III, The Medical View on A.A., p.570
They help others with similar problems ... In this
atmosphere the alcoholic often overcomes his excessive
concentration upon himself.
153.
In partnership with others -- women and men -- they can devote themselves to any number of ideas, people, and constructive
projects.
154.
155.
In the chapter "Working
With Others" you gathered an
idea of how we approach and
aid others to health.
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